R & R

Getting used to this schizophrenic life now; rugby weekends with alcohol overload interspersed with midweeks of home-based activities and general liver recuperation. The weather this week has been rather showery but reasonably warm and so I have been happily getting on with my chores. No golf this week yet, but the forecast looks better for Thursday and Friday.

The week started off with the Tuilagi Fiasco when the dear demented lad chose to cement the England team's position in their hosts' affections by jumping off the Waiheke Ferry to the displeasure of the local constabulary.

Multiple Choice Quiz

Why did  Manu Tuilagi jump into Auckland Harbour?

A. He finally realised what a dreadful mistake he had made in nailing his colours to the English mast and jumped in in an attempt to swim back to Samoa to apologise to his family

B. Realising that, in the rugby heirarchy, England will shortly be ranked amongst the minnows, he decided to investigate the world of these small creatures

C. In the absence of any significant dwarf population in Auckland, the England team were forced to play Pass the Polynesian and Tuilagi, inevitably, was dropped by the threequarters

D. Being of limited intelligence, Manu got confused when he heard the order "lower the gang plank" and decided to help the crew out by lowering himself

E. Tuilagi was in fact pissed

Answers to: M. Johnson (Retd.), The Old Coach House, Twickenham

First Prize: Tickets to England's next home match
Second Prize: Tickets to England's next two home matches
Third Prize: Well you've got the drift!


Tuesday was enlivened by a kicking contest between Andrew Mehrtens ( former All Blacks fly half, or first five eight as we say over here) and a trio of robots made by Kiwi engineering undergraduates.

 Massey University robot "Dan", featuring a metallic, presumably more injury-resistant groin

England team manager (for now) Martin Johnson immediately selected Robot Dan as part of his squad for the next Six Nations, claiming that the metallic monster was obviously qualified for England since one of his nuts came over in a job lot in the 1960's having formerly been attached to a saggar maker's bottom knocker in Accrington. (look it up - go on!). Johnson dismissed comments that Dan was rather immobile, saying that even whilst stationary Dan showed more animation than Mike Tindall and that at least he had two hands which was one more than most of his new team-mates.

Another thing that tickled my fancy was on Monday, whilst walking through the local park, seeing a group of Mum's coaching holidaying schoolkids (boys and girls) in the finer arts of passing, complete with net of rugby pills and marker cones. Take note the UK.

Of course the big story over here at the moment is the ecological disaster that seems to be unfolding on the coast near Tauranga where a ship has gone aground on a reef and oil is spilling onto the beaches around Mount Maunganui. Wildlife is already suffering and it will get worse as the Rena breaks up as it surely must. Such is the magnitude of the tragedy that it has even displaced the World Cup from pole position in the news. New Zealand have had a really crappy year what with Pike River, the Christchurch earthquake, the Kiwi Fruit infestation and now this.

To brighten things up a little I am including this little gem;-

A Professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular contractions' to his first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while
you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably out fishing with his mates!!

 Thanks for that Vince, and readers can substitute 'fishing' with 'watching England' or 'watching the Springboks' as you feel fit.

And finally, to end this rag-bag of a post, I have a world exclusive film clip of the Welsh team in their Polish training camp practising their tackling on Shaun Edwards as he passes by on his bike